Creating a Compassionate Divorce Community » Posts for tag 'Boston mediation'

Kind of a unique day, in a ton of ways:

I must confess, as earlier stated, I needed to slowww…. down a tad today. Then something unexpected had arrived AND I was able to respond, in a terrific fashion, I believe. For some really “odd” reason, it seems like a lot of decks were cleared for tomorrow. There are not a ton of brochures remaining in this batch, and perhaps tomorrow I can resume. It would be terrific to complete this phase, before the really cold weather sets in, perhaps as soon as next week. Brrr….

I cannot say enough in an “odd” way, there is that word again, what an honor it is, to develop one of the most comprehensive cases and understandings pertaining to emotional and psychological abuse that has ever existed. When you are in the middle of something that is a relatively new thing, there is so much opposition AND ALL kinds of stuff; yet that light of developing an approach, an understanding, a way of recognizing emotional and psychological abuse and its devastating effect to still forges onward. Nothing new, innovate, and great is easy.

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Perhaps I overreacted to a message yesterday morning: A greater family, with boundaries:

Maybe a call or two were unnecessary. What a beautiful day anyway. I am wondering, and wondering; the entire notion of a greater family. The entire essence of my work on some level, is for the common good, be it mine, my sacred children’s and/or society in general.

You do wonder, if and when people get to understand what boundaries are, if they can come to a sense of a bigger and better family. One of the grave lessons I have learned over the past eighteen years is how much family can help or hurt you, depending on its predilection. With ALL of what is going on in our world today from terroristic threats and even actions, to rare diseases, to a massive questioning of purpose; family in a positive sense is needed more than ever in our world.

Family is prospectively that true buffer, or at least it can be. Lessons have not been learned well, in a fair number of cases, and people either abuse or do not understand the strength represented in family. Smart ones, will learn.

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Okay, I went out on a limb today; a major decision:

I made it to Staples, and looked around all gadgetry and then realized I had been missing a journal for a long time. So I looked and came across a Moleskin section. Moleskin, I used to use little notepads, as they are legendary AND the kind used by Picasso and Hemingway. Now they make full-sized journals, even in cool colors. So I made a decision to buy a nice green one, for about nineteen dollars. As I was walking to the cash register, there were other journals on sale, including a kind synthetic green, reduced to six dollars.

Well, now I truly had a decision to make. I asked the person at that register, and then in the final throes of my decision, I asked a nice woman around my age. She got into it, and ended up recommending the Moleskin; kind of touching on the authenticity point. So, with her help I made the leap and purchased the green Moleskin journal. Perhaps fittingly, the final price turned out to be $20.13; matching our year I a way.

Good luck, journal!

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A pretty terrific day, when ALL is said and done:

It is a pleasure to work with people who value win-win type of relationships. I just had such an experience. When you really think about, most people really do want win-win things or positive resolutions as we call them here at Calm Interventions. When you think about it, it is not so distant from what the great Jewish sage Hillel said: “Stand for yourself; stand for others, and do it now,” is the truncated version.

I mean everybody has to eat, most people want to well financially and for society. It is not totally rocket science. Sometimes you have to stick in there and let people know you appropriately speaking that you really mean, but then again, my experience is that most people will surely respond at that point. My children are extremely important to me, my life is extremely important to me; my work in the world is similarly important to me. I believe it is extremely important at this point in time for more and more people to join together in formulating positive energy.

Thank you. Sincerely,

Jon

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One of the fascinating things about psychopathic behavior

is the commitment to attempting to play Russian Roulette with another human being’s life. The psychopath and/or extreme narcissist treats other people like they are a pawn or some game to be played. In the most severe cases, when the psychopath is able to deeply attach themselves to another human being’s life, they end up using another human being’s life, as if they are in a game of Russian Roulette or something.

You see the deep and abiding need of the psychopath is to create a need for the party to rely on the psychopath. That is why, the psychopath in the main, relies on savage and sneak attacks, because their main aim to create imbalance for the other party. Then the targeted person, in the eyes of the psychopath, will “need” them to work out the problem, and the psychopath can continue deep and profound layers of abuse. The fly in the ointment is when the person targeted recognizes the behavior of the psychopath and says virtually nothing in the world is worth being dependent on the psychopath.

Cheerio.

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This little blog of mine; I’m going to let it shine:

Oh, I see a few errors I have made, even one a whopper in terms of interpolating words, and yet I am being patient. I am deciding whether I need to correct myself in the pursuit of perfection, or whether I have reached a threshold of “outstanding;” and I can just let it be. Let it be, let it; there will be an answer, let it be….

A little fun, at the piano-like keyboard of the little blog. Letting things be, living with imperfections is a newer skill of mine, and while I am not certain in this particular instance I am proud that at least I am taking my time with the decision. Sometimes I would just rush off to my the correction, and perhaps then I would not be seeing the forest for the trees. Forest and trees, like silver and gold. I am kind of like thinking of myself in terms of the expression of diamonds being coal under pressure. I am open to that perspective, and not so flabbergasted my mistakes. Silver and gold.

Ahh Burl.

 

 

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The right attitude AND terrorism:

Surely not in perfect form, I will achieve excellence, I believe these pages over the years have reflected the right attitude, that of a champion, a winner for sure. It has been an unfathomable amount of work to reach that place personally and then even have the audacity to believe one can be of service to others on such achievement. Unbeknownenest to most, even the title of The World’s Best Mediator was a subtle compliment to Boston. Don’t get me wrong, Boston is not a perfect place; but the underlying tenacity and grit I had to demonstrate over the years, was in some ways a function of Boston, and not saying, no, or not quitting as the case may be. At its unbelievably turtle-like pace, in the most unfathomable of ways, I believe these pages have even been ahead of the curve; but that then is the nature of turtles!

Having said that I would be remiss too, if I did place alongside the acts of horrific terrorism we have witnessed recently, more subtle form of terrorism in the way of the narcissism, emotional/psychological abuse I have often referenced on these pages. There is a serpent-like terrorism that must be confronted and exposed in our culture as well; surely rearing its evil tendencies among those who would play games with other peoples’ lives, as the most extreme divorce situations often do, along with familiy members or even attorneys who are reckless and think they play with house money, when they harm other peoples’ children and familial situations.

Like all evils such behavior and actions can and will be exposed, with the inexorable progress of the human spirit towards improvement and justice. Terrorism is not just bombs and nails and pressure cookers; no terrorism is for starters the mindset of people who would intimidate and destabilize, and fundamentally cannot play on a fair and equal playing field of life, because they doubt their own abilities, are afraid of loss, and/or are plagued by their lack of self-worth. These pages have not been a perfect form of science, but in excellent fashion, they have reflected the right attitude; an overcoming of terrorism.

 

 

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The joy of being alive: Part 300; yes it is just that kind of moment, if not day:

It is great to smeall the roses, no matter how many have bloomed or not sometimes, as you can always find some roses, or coffee, or something to savor AND enjoy in that moment., and it feels that way on a ton of levels.

I suppose on some level this entire understanding of narcissism and the development of appropriate and assertive human behavior is seeming like a lifelong calling at this point. In some ways what I am referencing appeals to courts higher than legal courts; it appeals to the court or the law of human decency or moral action.

My main point has to with the notion that strength is not acting mean, callous or cutting other people off. As one who grew up in extremely competitive situations sports wise, basketball, football, wrestling, even skiiing, even even horseback riding, my goodness; along with chess for instance, I believe it or not terrifically familiar with the notion of competition. I have gone through it and come out the other side. It is appropriate to be extremely competitive, but to do so, with the constraints and constructs of the game itself. Meaning your opponent is not your enemy.

In the game of life; it works in essence that: Everybody wants money!!!! I get it, you get it, we ALL get it. My point is a distinction; we can and will make money, probably even more money by having a respect for the game itself as well as the opponent. Those who play with an upbeat and appropriate spirit, will do well, AND they will realize that they owe much to the game itself, as well as ALL appropriate participants, irrespective if they “win” or “lose.”

Thus, is my notion of strength; playing well, playing hard, but knowing when a game is over, and knowing that in a basic construct their opponent warrants respect as well. Think deeply what is the purpose of the game, if you will of like itself, as Hillel intimated, to do well for ourselves, and to see others do well. Why you might  ask? Because the game itself must outlive us, and decency must too.

Thanks,

Jon

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Talk about trusting the universe, I had a dream about an old compatriot from the growing years, AND ran into a quote from a man with a similar name: A beauty at that:

I stumbled across this quote from one of the original motivational speakers, Ziz Ziglar. Zig’s quote a truly seminal AND fascinating one is that: “Every obnoxious act is a cry for help.” This is kind of what I have been getting at in some of my thoughts, as I assessed what makes people hate and all of that. To me, much of it has to do with a sense rightly or wrongly with fractured childhood’s and developing these hateful attitudes growing up.

Zig’s quote is prescient in pinpointing that so many of the people in the world, who act so all together and speak in domineering tones and the like are really overcompensating for really not knowing a lot about where they are going, as if absolutism was an absolute answer in life. When people are mean, specious and hurtful to others, as we logically deduce it is mainly because they are hurting inside of theirselves. It has to do with why healing is so necessary in our society, along with the notion of understanding in better ways what constructive parenting is. So much of our sense of parenting is being attacked in some ways, due the proliferation of divorce AND the destructive manner, in which it is carried out. In fact perhaps I should in some way adjust the notion of the rates I charge and all of that, as it is vital at this point that virtually anybody who needs help get themselves into constructive situations, as relating to divorce and family and all of that.

It is so vital for people to get themselves onto a positive track and not do any more damage to their situation that at all necessary. So if you have a family/couple conflict or know somebody who does, please have them call me at 617-899-0383 or contact me through the web-site www.calminterventions.com or even e-mail right now, at jon@calminterventions.com to get yourself and your familial situation onto a constructive track.

I see it as a societal epidemic what is happening now with our divorce system, and that lawyers and courts exacerbate extremely hurtful situations shame on them. We must build a constructive society.

 

 

 

 

 

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I would love to talk a tad in general about emotional/psychological abuse today:

Emotional/psychological abuse is one of the most incenidary facets of society, AND a characteristic that I believe exists far more than people understand. I am not saying too much I believe, if I say, I am a survivor of emotional and psychological abuse. Emotional/psychological abuse is the systematic denigration of another human being, not mainly by physical means, but by any number of methods. These methods can include verbal abuse, ostracizing, defaming, withholding recognition or respect, and many other things aimed to dismiss and inflict emotional distress on another human  being.

Like all abuse, the abuse emanates from a person or persons who have extremely low self-esteem, and in essence do not have emotional sturdiness or stability to stand on their own two feet, in a healthy and happy manner. Abusers need that symbiotic, sadistic relationship to draw moral or emotional blood and temporarily satisfy their craving for some emotional satisfaction that is not emanating from their own self, and/or constructive relationships.

In this day and age, we must be particular attuned to the rise of emotional and psychological abuse.

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